(650) 965-7332 dr.nwesson@sbcglobal.net

Learn to date and have successful relationships:

In Search of a Healthy Relationship:
Relationship Search Tips for Shy Singles

There is no way to avoid taking emotional risks when dating. Give yourself support, and seek out support from others as you do this. Be gentle with yourself. Get extra help (counseling) if you need it as you would for any other important area in your life. Good luck.

  • Plan out dating as you would any other important area of your life. Commit yourself to taking the time and energy to finding people that are right for you to date. Don’t expect for it to be bumpy, but don’t be surprised if it is.
  • Remember dating is a numbers game. You may need to meet several (10-20) new people before finding someone that you really click with. EXTRA TIP: Every time you go to an event or meeting have some goals in mind such as introducing yourself to three people, starting two conversations, smiling and making eye contact with everyone you meet. This will help you greatly in your search for a healthy relationship.
  • Plan to participate in one or more social activities one or two times a week every single week of your life until you are in a serious relationship.
  • Use multiple sources for meeting new people. Focusing on more than one way of meeting someone to be in a healthy relationship with can open up many more possibilities and help you feelĀ  better about the search for a healthy relationship.
Here are some ideas for meeting other single people:

  • Classes: Cooking, photography, yoga, creative writing, dancing, etc. These classes can be found at community colleges, city recreation centers, adult education programs and many private organizations.
  • Sports: Soccer, volleyball, tennis, dancing, baseball, biking, rafting, roller-blading, canoeing, etc. If you do not know where to find the locale of a particular sports activity, find a local store that sells the equipment for that sport and ask the salespeople.
  • Online Dating: There are many online services to choose from. Proceed cautiously, if you agree to meet the person. Talk on the phone first then meet briefly in a public place. Do not give out any personal information such as your full name, address, place of work, etc. until you know the person first. If you are a teen tell your parents and a few close friends if you are planning to meet a stranger. Let the stranger know that you have done this.
  • Communities: Many single people these days belong to a community of people with similar interests who like to participate together in a particular activity. These are often warm and friendly places to meet new people. Meditation, Sierra Club, biking, book groups, self-help activities such as 12 step programs, online communities.
  • Volunteer Work: Food banks, Children’s shelters, service clubs, etc.