(650) 965-7332 dr.nwesson@sbcglobal.net

Am I Ready For A Committed Relationship?

What Makes It So Hard for Some People to Make a Commitment in a Relationship?

It is because some people have fear about commitment. These are some of the common fears of committing:

  • Fear of losing control over one’s self or one’s life.
  • Fear of betrayal by another person.
  • Fear of being vulnerable and dependent upon one’s partner or fear of a partner being dependent on you.
  • Fear of losing one’s financial resources.
  • Fear of divorce.
  • Fear of being a victim of abuse.

Am I Ready for Commitment?

You should be able to answer yes to most of the statements below in order to be ready for a true commitment:

  • I am ready and able to give up my identity as a single person.
  • I have been emotionally stable for at least six months.
  • I feel I am ready to put my relationship needs ahead of my personal needs when necessary.
  • I am ready to decrease my ties to my immediate family and put this energy into my relationship.
  • I am able to keep my work from interfering with my relationship.
  • I feel ready to merge my life with someone else.
  • I have been monogamous sexually and emotionally for at least the past six months and I am commited to staying monogamous.

Handling Conflict or Disagreements

  • When things get hard with my partner I feel I can commit to talking about the disagreement even if I am uncomfortable.
  • I can commit to talking about my feelings and continuing to talk about problems until the conflict is thoroughly worked through or a compromise is reached.

Partner Choice and Commitment

In choosing a partner you should be able to say yes to almost all of the statements below:

  • She or he wants a commitment with me.
  • She or he has been stable emotionally for at least six months.
  • She or he is available and has the time to make our relationship healthy.
  • She or he is willing to talk through a disagreement.
  • She or he can put relationship needs ahead of personal needs when necessary.
  • I feel cared for and comfortable with my partner.
  • My partner has been sexually and emotionally monogamous for the past six months.
  • My partner’s values match mine fairly well.
  • My partner and I are most often in agreement in how to spend time and money.